roboverload:

You admit it’s pretty subtle, at first.

Some pats on the head, a little bit more encouragement then usual. Nothing strange or out of the ordinary— Smokescreen is the youngest of the bots, and he preens under praise in general, so a smatterings of “you did good today” here and there doesn’t strike you as worth noticing.

It’s only a couple months in that you notice Optimus starts to treat Smokescreen more like a kid than a soldier.

And well, then of course you have to trail them. For… science, and personal inquiry. Mostly for science.

Half a year after day zero (which is when Smokescreen blurted out his shitty daddy kink in the first place), Optimus begins to kneel down to be eye to eye with Smokescreen when he’s speaking.

You notice that Smokescreen is just a tad bit mortified. He always skitters away after their conversations, scratching impulsively at the inside of his left wrist. You assume that he has no idea how to breach the subject of a daddy kink to his leader and how he views him in that regard, but all you jot down in your notebook is you’re eager to see how this plays out.

Following that point, Optimus began to display his affection more obviously. There were monikers such as son, Smokey, and, at one point, kid, but that was quickly dropped for more affectionate ones.

Smokescreen’s feathers shine under Optimus’ attention but at the same time it has all spawned because of a daddy kink misunderstanding and wow, this is terrible but he’s never felt so appreciated before but again, daddy kink…

Optimus takes Smokescreen off on drives or sometimes just stays with him in the room, listening to him chatter about nothing. He seems to like it for a while, coming back pleased as punch, except one day he’s flushed in the face and with screaming vents and won’t talk to anyone as he stomps off somewhere, presumably to brood.

Optimus shows up a minute or two behind and asks to no one and yet everyone, “Do you believe it was too early to give him “The Talk”?”

He orders Wheeljack to make frozen energon so he and Smokescreen (and of course, the others) can eat them; he embraces Smokescreen more; he sings praise up and down the base’s halls; he embarrasses Smokescreen for weeks to come.

When you approach Optimus and ask him why he’s doing it he says because he thinks it will help and you ask him help what? Smokey’s a grown mech, he can — giggle— resolve his daddy issues.

He ponders for a moment and then says that he has not seen Smokescreen so pleased before, and he seems to like this treatment and that well, he is so young. He is a young mech, the youngest by hundreds of thousands of years and he was born into war and really maybe he needs a father and if Optimus is that father then that’s okay. Better him than anyone with a worse disposition, yes? He had so little, why not a father? And he’s never had a sparkling before; there was never a chance. Smokescreen is not his true kin, but he has Bumblebee as well and that is close enough.

…You no longer want to tell him Smokescreen was joking.

You simply warn Smokescreen to be cautious. Optimus wants to be a dad and please, please let him have this. It is so funny and so sweet but mostly funny so don’t you dare ruin this for us Smokescreen.

He gulps and nods and you squint.

“Do you really have a daddy kink?” You ask, because there are important science questions, for science.

He gulps and flushes again and you smile because “oooh my god you have a daddy kink!”

Optimus blinks behind him because he feels like this pertains to his new sparkling— er, Smokey— but he doesn’t have enough information to make any assumptions.

And Primus bless his poor spark, he doesn’t want to know anything that might ruin it anyway.

This pattern continues. Optimus, coddling his boy as son rather than soldier except when he needs his soldier more than his son, and Smokescreen loves it, and Bumblebee’s a little jealous, but his two boys get along swimmingly regardless.

You and everyone else, however, think it’s tooth rottingly sweet.

Smokescreen naps with Bumblebee and Optimus one day and you take a picture because this is important science, damn you.

(You’re just gonna get this framed and show everyone.)

You still call Smokescreen daddy every now in then within Optimus’s hearing and by God you never thought you’d see Optimus pull Smokescreen aside and tell him he’s so proud of him for becoming a father figure to a human. You absolutely cannot stop laughing and Smokescreen’s blue in the face and his vents are whistling like an old computer trying to cool down. Optimus, for the life of him, cannot figure out why.

At least, it was funny, until you quipped to Smokey one day after an onslaught of “daddy, I’ve been bad!” teasing that you wished that Optimus was your daddy too, taking you out for ice cream and spanking you when you were bad.

And he did. For the love of God, Optimus integrated you into his little band of misfit kids and scolded you and everything and now Smokescreen can’t get this dumb smirk off his face.

“Fuck you.” You’d snarled to him one day and Optimus expressed his disapproval and you were very terrified for a moment he would take you over his huge metal knee (because God that would hurt he’s so big) but instead he knelt down and told you very sternly to be nice. “Bad girls,” he said, “don’t get ice cream.”

You were humbled, but mostly mortified. At least you understood Smokescreen now.

I STARTED LAUGHING SO HARD THAT I STARTED CRYING

OMFG